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What Professionals & Parents Are Saying About Not by Chance

Helping Parents Learn How To:

Boost Not Undermine Treatment

Parents are game-changers in helping treatment go right. We offer invaluable insights to guide you through the critical weeks before and after discharge.

Decide When to Grant Privileges and Freedoms

Whether your son or daughter is 13 and returning home, or 19 and going on to an independent living situation, learn how to establish structure and set boundaries at the appropriate time.

Navigate the Inevitable Testing Phase of Transition

It’s not IF they will test the boundaries, but WHEN. Parents can unwittingly unravel months of treatment by not knowing how to calmly roll with the road bumps, yet hold the line.

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Please limit your requests to one book per family. Additional copies may be ordered from the Not by Chance website at www.notbychance.com or on Amazon.

Amazon Reviews:

“My wife and I have religiously followed the instruction of our child’s therapist and have read all the books assigned. As we have read each book, the material keeps getting better. This is the best one so far. I call it the capstone book because it fits as the last book of a series of books that all parents need to read if child has gone to treatment ; either wilderness, residential center/boarding school or both. Your child cannot come home until you have read these books and have done the hard work to change. Books I recommend in order leading up to the most helpful:

Knight in Rusty Armour
Anatomy of Peace
Journey of the Heroic Parent
Parallel Process
Leadership and Self-Deception
Not by Chance”

“I wish Tim Thayne’s “Not by Chance” had been available when we realized three years ago that we were not going to be able to keep our daughter alive despite all of the support and therapy we could provide. Although we were able to find excellent programs for her, Tim’s book would have been a welcome supplement and an independent reassurance that we were doing the right thing, that the programs we had picked were doing a good job, of why and how we all needed to change, and of what to expect when she eventually came home. His short, simple analogies were right on target to help me understand more clearly why some of the problems occurred. His ‘assignments’ for parents were few but thought provoking and essential. It is well written, well organized and easy to read, even for parents in the midst of turmoil. I have written all of the caregivers we have used to recommend that they include this in their parent reading lists.

“We found this book immensely helpful in preparing for our daughter’s transition home from a year in residential treatment. I only wish I had known about the book earlier! The organization and structure of the book makes it easy to read and reread, early and often, during treatment and transition. The analogies and specific examples from the author’s work with families (e.g., the ‘hidden waterfalls’) helped us identify our ‘signature’ parenting pitfalls, and reinforced our commitment to improving the stability and structure, balanced with appropriate flexibility, in our home.”


“Tim Thayne is amazing! Not by Chance gave us hope and direction when we felt like we had none. Our family was falling to pieces because of the sadness that our son was struggling and in a therapeutic wilderness program. We felt alone and scared but all of the information in Dr. Thayne’s book gave us the support we needed. Just by reading the book, we realized we are not alone and that there are answers and practical things we can do as parents to guide, love and nurture our children and not be so hard on ourselves in the process. I highly recommend this book for anyone going through the tough teen years in particular when having to send a child out of the home for help.”

“This book is life changing. It is a must read for anyone dealing with a teen in any stage of treatment. I happened to read this book before we sent our child to treatment, and it actually helped me in choosing the treatment center based on the direction I wanted to go in order to transition home successfully. When you begin searching for the ‘after care treatment books’, you’ll see there aren’t very many. You can find hundreds on treatment itself, but the part about reintegrating into life afterwards seems to be overlooked. That seems so strange, because this is where many of the families begin to fall apart all over again. If the whole system isn’t changed and ‘new and improved’, the odds of success back at home are not high, and all that hard work, time and energy doesn’t have the impact it was intended to have. I personally met Tim after I had already read the book, and I can tell you that he genuinely cares and is passionate about helping families reunite and become stronger than ever. I tend to be a thorough researcher on my own, and felt that I knew many of the ‘basic concepts’, but had no idea how to put them into daily practice and how to connect all the dots. This book gets into very specific details and processes, and I appreciated that. It also made me feel hopeful that after all of the struggle and pain, I had another chance to try again, and this time be prepared and ready. I just needed a good plan, and a little direction in my overwhelmed state. Don’t hesitate to buy this book, and the earlier in the process you get started, the easier and more natural the new routines will become by the time your teen comes home.”


“…from a mom whose daughter went through three facilities — acute and long-term — in a period of four years, admitted six times due to extreme PTSD, high suicidality, and drug/substance abuse…this book got me started working right away on the skills while she’s still presently (to date) in treatment (her 7th admission). Everything I have done in and out of treatment did not work. In treatment, we would always sit there in silence and nothing would get solved or we would go around in circles discussing the same problems over and over again. Outside of treatment, we were on a routine that basically went downhill. This book basically told me to be honest, firm (with love), consistent, and most of all, CONFIDENT. I have been confident enough to lay everything out on the table last week that she was almost in tears, and I walked out of the facility with tears of joy. Since I opened up to her, things have been so different! Suffice to say, all that supported her before and ignored her because they lost faith in her, have sprung up again and are supporting her! She is in a much better place thanks to the advice Dr. Thayne gave in the book. Oh, and I know this is a review about the book, but I have read “Recovering My Kid” by Joseph Lee. PhD. BOTH of these books, though written by different authors, have felt like they were agreeing with each other. Taking advice by both books proved to be effective for me and my daughter. Thank you, Dr. Thayne, for sound and honest advice. I am currently working on a project to help parents and teens and will use the advice provided in the book as well as promote it to help them.”